Love is Complex

We all crave the idea of love, but what is love? How do we find love? We hear influencers and advocates say, “We must love ourselves before we can love others or before we can expect others to love us.”

However, many people misinterpret this saying. TRULY LOVING OURSELVES does not mean buying five Prada handbags, getting brand-new faces, or acting like egotistical assholes who do not have time to be decent human beings because we are too busy “loving ourselves”. Truly loving means figuring out WHAT love means to us.

Love is a subjective term, and the more time we spend defining love under the generic definition of “being with our soulmates and living happily ever after”, the more time we take away from discovering what it means to US.

Love can have many meanings, from loyalty and acceptance to non-judgmental thoughts and honesty to friendship and humor. We cannot rush what love means because it will appear when we ALLOW it to appear. There are many people, especially those in their late 20s to early 40s, who believe they MUST FIND LOVE NOW, or they will end up old and alone.

How can we let love in if we hyper-focus on PRETENDING to be in “love” with people we have only known for two weeks?

How can we decide whether people are right for us and propose marriage based on a couple of months?

Why do we automatically assume people are not right for us as soon as complications occur?

We like to judge relationships based on feelings. If we feel positive emotions toward someone, we stay. If not, we leave. Simple, right? Not at all, and we need to stop destroying relationships and the lives of others based solely on how we feel.

Seriously, just stop.

Feelings change all the time based on what is going on in our lives at specific moments. Stress makes us hate everyone while joy makes us love. Stop making impulsive decisions to break up with our partners because we are mad at them for being late or because their choices do not currently align with ours.