"We cannot change love, and we cannot stop love from changing."
To self-love is to self-discover.
We need to get to the core of who we are and what we are capable of before we can contribute to the lives of others. Think about it, how on earth are we supposed to dedicate our lives and time to other people when we, ourselves, are a mess? There is not enough of us to go around!
Other people are living, soulful creatures, just like us, and if we dive into their lives and interfere with their journeys when we are not prepared, we are only going to fuck them over even more, and that is not love. Unless we only want partners for the sake of manipulating and using them for our own benefits, without giving a damn about them, we cannot be with others until we can learn to love and accept being alone.
If we truly love the ones we claim to love, we would never want to do anything to hurt them, and by trying to be with them before we are ready to do so, we are actively beginning the journey toward their pain.
Even though the journey toward self-discovery is a never-ending path, we need to still reach the point where, if someone we love leaves us, we do not result in complete meltdowns, a feat that proves challenging for many.
We need to accept that we cannot force everyone to love us, that openly expressing love to someone does not always mean it will be returned, and that the only person we can count on to love us, is us.
Our own lives are the only ones we can control.
We cannot change love, and we cannot stop love from changing.
When we choose to love, we choose to accept the pain that inevitably comes with it.
No relationship is without pain.
No marriage is without agony.
The difference between what keeps people together and what tears them apart is their resiliency as individuals, how capable they are at tackling and solving challenges that arise, and how willing they are to keep going despite all odds.
Such as those who can keep going and maintain a positive attitude after a relationship ends versus those who lock themselves away for days and turn to drugs and rebound sex as distractions.
None of us have it all figured out, not in life, not in relationships, not in family, and not in our careers. Most of us are only doing our best to survive and make it through each day while the rest of us reject these responsibilities and deny that they exist. I want to believe that we are all doing the best that we are capable of.
I want to believe that the reason life fails on us is because our best is just not good enough in some circumstances, which is okay, and not because some of us are too selfish and lackadaisical to put in the effort.
However, even with my naïve thinking, I know that most of us fall within the latter group. Because we have been taught to fend for ourselves and look out for our own happiness before anyone else’s, we somehow translate that into self-absorption, resulting in taking from others rather than learning to give.
These are the people who use others to satisfy themselves. These are the leeches who suck other people dry, draining them of their energy just to temporarily feel happier.
I am not innocent of this. I have used people, and I have also been used. We train our brains to become selfish, to take for self-survival, and to push down anyone who gets in our ways. We follow the norms and take all means necessary to reach conventional goals that we may or may not want.