Stop Self-Blame

"Loneliness and pain drive us to use our hearts rather than our heads because, similar to drugs, the craving overpowers the logic. This makes us vulnerable to the manipulation of strangers we meet."



We fall for strangers quickly because they represent freedom from loneliness and freedom from pain. We channel our vulnerable emotions toward people we do not know for two reasons:

1) Emotional support from strangers comes with the benefit of non-judgments because they do not know who we are or where we have come from and,
2) Strangers provide distraction from the current bullshit in our lives and distraction from having to face the reality of living with ourselves.

What does this all lead to?

Abuse.

From strangers.

Disgust.

For ourselves.

At one point or another in our lives, most of us have allowed strangers to take advantage of us when we were at our worst, ranging from going on dates with people we did not find attractive to one-night stands and sexual assaults. Looking back, from the logical standpoint, we know the stupidity that comes with allowing strangers to take advantage of us. We blame ourselves because, on some level, we were probably too distraught and sad to remember that we gave consent to our Tinder dates to take our pants off.

This is a clear difference from rape, unfortunately. When we are sober but still fail to tell the other person to stop, or when we freeze up when someone is trying to have sex with us, allowing it to happen, we can no longer consider this rape. We can become so emotionally vulnerable that a single human touch can drive away our logical thoughts.

How many of you have ever felt numb or regret DURING sex but FAILED to say anything to stop it and instead, closed your eyes and prayed that it was OVER soon?

This is the work of our emotions. When we do not know what we want and when our emotions become overwhelming, we freeze, and we become paralyzed. We lose our words, and we pray the night away, pushing off the consequences until the next day.

Let me know what's on your mind

© Copyright 2020 Lena Ma Books

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