The Victim That Was I

What’s wrong with me?

To those of you who know me, hi. To those of you who don’t, I was a victim of domestic abuse. Many of us hear of domestic or relationship abuse and immediately blame the victims for not getting out. Why not just break up with them and leave? Why not just walk away? There’s no chain attaching the two of you. You have feet, just walk out the door. And I can see why you might be thinking that. It’s a lot easier to see the flaws and horrors of domestic abuse when you’re not physically in the relationship. It’s easy to see with objective lens that there is no love or future in domestic abusive relationships, especially when children aren’t involved.

But I stayed. Looking back, outside of the abuse, I cannot fathom how I let it get so bad, how I let an innocent date become a deadly relationship, and how I made an excuse for one punch that opened the door to many others. Was I stupid? Was I too foolish and naïve to know someone’s hitting me when their fist was in my face?

Was I so desperate to keep a relationship that I just excused every shitty action my partner was committing?

What’s wrong with me? I never thought I would become a face of domestic abuse, a statistic, but here I am, raw, unfiltered, and exposed.