"We refuse to accept that the people we love can actively choose to remove themselves from our lives, and we hold onto the fantasy of what used to be and let those memories drive us toward physical and emotional abuse."
We are the only ones we can trust completely. Even our family and friends can forsake us and leave us dry. Spouses leave all the time despite committed vows. We can spend 60+ years with people, commit to sharing every part of our lives with them, and STILL RISK them walking away.
Even if they are still physically present, mental separation hurts just as much when we realize there is almost nothing we can say or do to bring them back. It kills us to know that the people who used to say “I love you” to us are now secretly hating every part of our existences, but, just as we chase people who leave us, we also chase people who resent us. The desire to want love and connection can feel so strong that we often put up with abuse and neglect.
Note: FEELING like we are still with someone is NOT the same as BEING with someone.
We refuse to accept that the people we love can actively choose to remove themselves from our lives, and we hold onto the fantasy of what used to be and let those memories drive us toward physical and emotional abuse.
Memories of the “happier times” and thoughts of “what could have been” force us to ignore reality and put abusers on pedestals when they do not deserve it. We fault and blame ourselves for causing others to hurt us, and we take full responsibility for our sufferings regardless of who is at fault.
We cannot blame ourselves for feeling hurt, and we cannot blame ourselves for being emotional.
As human beings, we naturally feel pain. Just because there are certain societal standards on how we SHOULD feel and react after someone breaks our hearts, does not mean that we are obligated to follow them. No one has the right to tell us how to feel nor do we have the right to tell others how to feel.