"We need to stop trying to quickly heal ourselves from losing the ones we love by having mindless sex with or serially dating other people."
What do these words all have in common?
The first words that come to mind are “false beliefs”. We all want that special someone to share our lives with, to share the good times and the bad, to have that shoulder to cry on, and to have hands to hold when we feel joyful.
We have longed for these moments from when we first experienced affection toward someone, whether it was our first crush in elementary school or our first kiss in high school. We reveled in being able to love someone, but with that naivety, our hearts were also shattered when those relationships ended.
Maybe some of you are the lucky ones who marry the first person you felt a connection with. The rest of us know, all too well, how it feels to open our hearts and our lives to one single person, to put so much power into the hands of that person, just to have him/her rip our hearts out from inside our chests and walk away. Many people still believe that there are levels of severity for which you are allowed to feel heartbroken.
Marriage > long-term relationships > short-term relationships > casual partners > friends with benefits > crushes
But this is not the case at all, and the more we try to tell ourselves that it is and believe that other people’s heartbreaks are more “severe” than ours because of the length of their relationships, the more we end up hurting ourselves.
We need to stop lying to ourselves that we are not in pain.
We need to stop trying to quickly heal ourselves from losing the ones we love by having mindless sex with or serially dating other people.
We need to stop covering our true pain with fake smiles so others think we are okay.
We need to stop pretending that we are okay when we are not.
Even more so, we need to stop obsessing over the ones we have lost and bombarding them with every thought that pops into our heads. That may have been alright to do at one point IN THE RELATIONSHIP, but when someone wants out of a relationship, for any reason, valid or invalid, stupid or not, we need to learn to accept that and let that person go.
I am not innocent or logical when it comes to breakups, and my impulsivity can turn me from a sweet and caring girlfriend to a crazy and psychotic bitch who does not know how to accept rejection and move on.
I go back and forth with hating my exes.
Apologizing for actions I have not committed.
Begging for forgiveness and second chances.
Accepting responsibility for all faults of the relationships.
Telling myself that I am better off without them.
Denying the reality of the situations.
Attempting to move on by dating the next person I run into.
Becoming angry and hostile when pleads to my exes do not work.
Becoming depressed and borderline.
Sitting in my apartment for months, drinking, binging, and hating the world.
Completely losing myself.